You remember this little guy on the left?
That’s Hermey. We’ve all been led to believe that Hermey is a cute, little, misunderstood, misfit elf. Wrong!! He is evil, plain old fashioned evil wrapped up in a cute little package. You know how I know this? Because Hermey wanted to be a dentist and only the most sadistically warped people on this planet would ever want to be a dentist.
A few years ago I had a toothache so I called the dentists office to see if I could get in. The toothache hadn’t started light and worked it’s way up over a period of time, no, it came on full force from the moment I woke up that morning. So, I call the dentist and beg to be seen that same day and they let me in. After a quick run through the X-ray machine, and a once over by the man himself, it was determined that my problem was deeper than just a cavity. A little drilling and filling wasn’t going to fix this one. I had 2 choices, getting the tooth pulled or having a root canal. Not really much of a choice there, wouldn’t ya say? I mean, that’s like someone telling you “I’m going to shoot you. You have the choice between a scud missile and a Sherman tank.” Ooh, one sounds so much better than the other, what should I do?
Well, I decided that I didn’t want to lose a tooth so I went with the root canal. Now, if you’ve never had a root canal done, or never heard how it’s done, here ya go. The dentist will give you copious amounts of Novocaine just before he takes out the tools and cuts your tooth in half exposing the canals within. Then….well, just look at the drawing….
That’s right, he’ll then proceed to take a small wire brush type thing and jam it down into your tooth and scrape the nerves out of it. They usually start with a smaller one and work their way up to the bigger one. But I can tell you, the smaller one isn’t small enough. I don’t know if it was me or Japanese Novocaine, but the Novocaine didn’t take and I had to endure that whole procedure. The pain was so intense that I was white knuckling the arm of the chair and I don’t think my ass touched vinyl the entire time. I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs and flailing around like a fish lying in the bottom of an empty cooler. By the time he was finished I would have been willing to give tap dancing lessons to Hitler if the pain would just go away. You see, the pain during the procedure has lingering effects. The pain wasn’t in the tooth area either, it was up under my left eye. The best way I could describe it would be to say that it felt like someone had taken a ball peen hammer and just smacked me right in the eye with it. It took me about 10 minutes before I could get out of the chair. Luckily the outer room, leaving the office, had a waist high bookshelf running along the wall all the way to the door. I literally had to lean on that bookshelf to support myself. When I got to the door I could see my car, it was only about 20 feet away, but that distance looked like a football field at that point. I had this tiny, little Japanese nurse propping me up and helping me to my car. Poor thing, I probably outweighed her by 200 pounds, but she got me there. It almost makes me wonder if the bookshelf and SuperNurse are par for the course in a dentists office, designed for times just like this.
Well, before I left the office the doctor told me I’d have to come back in a week or so to get the rest taken care of. He was going to go back in with the brushes again. I don’t think I’ve ever given anyone the dead stare I gave him when he said that. I then told him that the next time around I wanted more Novocaine or I was going to have to hurt him. He said that it wouldn’t be necessary the next session because the nerve had already been extracted. I argued with him back and forth over that one and he wouldn’t budge, so, I just told them to cancel my next appointment because I’d go somewhere else. I’m the customer, I want Novocaine, you have to give me what I want. It’s not like I was asking him for a kilo of cocaine or a bag of crack, I just wanted something to numb it up real good before he started in on me again. But, he wouldn’t give in so I left knowing that I’d never see him again. His wife called me about 20 minutes after I left and she apologized to me, although I never thought an apology was necessary. She said that they would give me the Novocaine next time. Too late though, the damage was done. I’m a really easy going person and don’t get pissed off very easily, but when I do, consider yourself off my X-mas list.
I went home and called a different dentist and set up an appointment. Told them what procedure had been done etc… and they took me right in. When I got in the chair I asked the doctor for Novocaine, he said I wouldn’t need it because the nerve had already been extracted……I said OK, laid back, closed my eyes and let them get to work.
This is why I say Hermey is the Devil. How he could ever want to do that to another person……..
Y’all come back, I’ll leave a light on for ya.