Apple Computers Are For Retards

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Ok, before anyone barbecues me for the title of this post let me say right now that I am not trying to insult anyone that has a mental disability, like Downs syndrome, or anyone that has a family member that has to deal with it. No, what I mean by retards are people like myself. People that are just totally stunted when it comes to using, or I should say, knowing how to deal with a computer.

Anyway, my first experience with a computer, on a personal basis, was way back when Windows 95 came out. Since that time I used just about every version of Windows up to Windows 7. I was one of those people that thought Apple was for the snooty ass people that think they’re better than everyone around them. The idiots you see sitting in Starbucks with their hoity-toity mocha mint, extra frothy, cappuccino with a twist. And before I get barbecued for that, I don’t drink coffee so I totally made that up. I have no idea if that even exists, those are just words I’ve heard in conversation when people are talking about that nasty ass drink. Back to the pretentious tree huggers. You know who they are, they sit there in the middle of summer wearing a God damned wool cap…..and some of those pompous assholes even have a muffler around their neck. They sit there with their coffee on the table and their MacBook’s in their laps. 1 person sitting at a table for 4 ignoring the fact that people are waiting to get in and sit down. And God forbid you try to strike up a conversation with them, although I can’t imagine why you’d want to, they look down at you like you’re the lowest form of scum on the planet….unless you have a MacBook under your arm, then they turn it into who has the better Mac. Uggghhh!!!

Well, I’ve figured them out, they’re morons. They don’t know how to take care of computer problems. How did I come to this assumption? I switched over to the dark side about a year and a half ago. Recommendations from friends on YouTube steered me towards an iMac, because I was mainly wanting something for video editing. I had always heard that Macs were good for the artsy-fartsy stuff so I figured “What the hell!” I mean, I still had a Windows laptop that I would be using for work, the iMac would be just for video work. So, I jumped in head first and got the most powerful iMac that was available to me at the time. Oh, I should mention that before I bought the iMac I learned that you could partition the hard drive and install Windows. DONE!! That is exactly what I did. Perfect, I could use the Mac side for videos and then switch over to Windows for everything else. I have to admit to being a little intimidated by the iMac. For so many years I had heard how different they were to operate than a Windows machine. That had me a little unsettled and I was a little worried that having to learn something entirely different may burn me out pretty quick. But, hey, I still have that Windows partition to fall back on.

With the help of a Macintosh For Dummies type book, I began learning how to operate a Mac. That eased my anxiety quite a bit. I was finding that operating a Mac really isn’t that much different than operating a Windows machine. Just that some things were in different places and had different names…..of course they were names that sounded like those windbag Mac users would use. It’s not a “tool bar” it’s a “dock”. It’s not “System Restore” it’s “Time Machine”. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Anyway, things have different names and are in different places, but, overall, it’s pretty much as easy to operate as what I was used to. Then something happened, as I began to learn new things on my own I began to realize that a Mac does things the way they are supposed to be done. What I mean by that is that they do things the way common sense would tell you to do them. Just an example off the top of my head, I was wanting to print out some music sheets from this PDF file that I had downloaded. The PDF file had the entire album’s song list in it but I only need to print the one song, but I didn’t know how to do that on a Mac. What the hell, give it a shot, right? I clicked on the first page of the song, held down the shift key, as you would in Windows, then clicked on the last page. That selected all the pages in between too. Cool!! That worked as I had hoped. Next I need to print. Well, “File, Print” always worked before so let’s give it a shot. “File”…….search the list…there it was, “Print”, (click) and my printer started rattling. Awesome, it worked the exact same way that a Windows machine would work. I can mark that off my list. When I looked over at my printer I noticed something interesting, it was printing from the last page first. That means that, when it was finished, I didn’t need to rearrange all the pages to get them in order…..as we all know, Windows prints from first to last so you have to shuffle them when it’s finished. I was excited about this fact and I made a post on Facebook praising Mac and insulting Windows. I was quickly told that you can do the same thing in Windows if you go into the properties then click this and that etc… Why should I have to go into the properties? Why are all those clicks necessary? I’ve never met anyone that wants page 12 to be first and page 1 to be last. The computer should do that for you.

So that is what I started noticing. Every time I learned something new I would say to myself “Of course, that’s how it should be. Anyone with half a brain would figure it should happen like this” So that was how I came to the conclusion that Macs are for retards. Macs are made for people that have no idea how to tackle a problem with a computer. They’re made for people that don’t really have any skills on the actual inner workings of a computer. They’re made for people that just want to get on a computer and have the damn thing work the way it should. And I don’t mean to insinuate that all Mac users don’t know the inner workings of a computer, what I mean is that if you’re just starting out, and have no interest in learning how to work on a computer, Mac is for you. With a Windows machine, if you want to get rid of a piece of software, you hit the start button, go to control panel, find the section where the software is, wait forever for that page to load up, select the software you want to get rid of, hit the uninstall button, then wait so you can answer the flurry of questions it’s about to spit out at you….all the while stalling the uninstalling process so you have to sit there for 10 minutes waiting for this thing to do it’s job. With a Mac, grab the icon of the software you want to remove and drag it to the trash can. DONE!! The computer will do the rest of the work for you, in the background, so you can be on your merry way. Not to mention that it actually deletes the software and all of it’s components that a Windows machine had thrown all over God’s creation and left those pieces there for you to go looking for to delete one by one.

Since I bought my iMac, I think it was April of 2011, I have added a MacBook pro to my arsenal and the roles have been reversed. The only thing I use on the my Windows laptop is my video editing software. Everything else I do is on a Mac. I don’t think you’ll be seeing me in Starbucks with my wool cap on though. If you do, shoot me.

Y’all come back, I’ll leave the light on for ya!

MULLY

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About MULLY

ex-pat American living in Japan since 1991. Love to play guitar and billiards. Love my Cincinnati Bengals too. Who-Dey!!
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